respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
