She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
