My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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