I heard we made out
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
