Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sober January is a disaster.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
