I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
