if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
