ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
