Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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