Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
