I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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