My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
