I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
