My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
