sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
