I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
