I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
