just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
