I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
