what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
