Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
