i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
