I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
