Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
