I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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