My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
