Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
