yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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