i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
