so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize