Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
