I can text with my tongue
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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