omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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