Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
