I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
