onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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