I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
