remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
