my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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