worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize