I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
