Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
