..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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