Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
