idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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