I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's the barista slut.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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