pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to be your penis for a week.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
