you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
