Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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