When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
