It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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