you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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