If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
