glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
