I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
