i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
