i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
