we're chasing vodka with high fives
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
