whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
