I'm eating all of the evidence.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
