There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
