we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
