i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
