He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
