So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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