God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
