i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
