Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
