I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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