She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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