...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
