obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
