Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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