I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize